One of the best ways to meet others in the BDSM community is through a MUNCH. A munch is a casual social gathering, usually in a public place like a restaurant or café, where people interested in kink can connect in a safe and low-pressure setting. The focus is on meeting people as real humans first, without the expectation of play or explicit conversation. No one owns exclusive rights to host a MUNCH in your area, the opportunity to do so is always available to anyone.
It is important to remember that not every location will be comfortable hosting a munch. Servers and staff should never feel awkward overhearing adult topics, so always choose venues where your group can blend in as just another social gathering. A munch is about building community and giving people a safe place to connect—not about shocking or oversharing.
If you are thinking about starting a munch, here is a simple guide to help you get started.
Step 1: Decide on the Type of Munch
- Simply Social: A casual meet-up where people of all interests gather to connect and build friendships.
- Special Interest Group: A more focused event centered around a specific kink, fetish, or identity, which can help people with shared interests find one another.
Step 2: Pick a Location
Look for a restaurant, café, or diner that is easy to find, affordable, and has a welcoming atmosphere. Accessibility matters—consider vegan options, allergy-friendly menus, and costs that fit different budgets. Time and geography also matter. You might host a Saturday brunch for those who can’t do weeknights, or choose a location 20–30 minutes away from other local munches to draw a new crowd.
Step 3: Talk to the Venue
Once you have a place in mind, reach out to the management. Explain that you are hosting a private adult social group and confirm that they are comfortable with it. Ask about group seating, separate checks, and whether reservations are needed. Be professional and respectful, and choose a different venue if the staff seems hesitant.
Step 4: Manage RSVPs
Create an event listing on Fetlife, your local BDSM group page, or use a site like findamunch.com. Be clear about the date, time, location, and RSVP process. Let attendees know the general vibe of the event (for example, “social and friendly, kink talk optional”).
Step 5: Promote Your Event
Share details on Fetlife, Discord servers, Facebook groups (where appropriate), and through word of mouth. Local BDSM groups are often happy to help spread the word.
Step 6: Host Your Munch
Arrive early, greet people warmly, and make introductions. Help new attendees feel included. Not everyone will want to talk about kink right away (or at all), and that is perfectly fine. Some people come just to build friendships and make genuine connections. Keep the atmosphere light, welcoming, and safe.
Other Considerations
- Privacy and Boundaries: Respect everyone’s comfort level. No one should feel pressured to share personal details. Remind your guests that touching, including hugs and handshakes, needs to be consensual.
- Inclusivity: Make your munch welcoming to marginalized communities, including LGBTQ+ folks, people of color, and those with disabilities.
- Variations: If your venue has a private space, you might host an “educational munch” with a presentation or workshop. In these cases, be upfront with the venue so staff know what to expect and are comfortable hosting adult content in their space.
Wrapping It Up
Organizing a munch is less about logistics and more about creating a safe and welcoming environment. When done well, munches help people feel less isolated, make new friends, and find support in the BDSM community. By staying respectful of venues, clear about your intentions, and focused on connection, you can create an event that people look forward to attending again and again.
