A Guide to Basic Communication, Consent, and Safety
Negotiating a BDSM scene can be an exciting and empowering process for both the Top and the Bottom. However, it’s important to approach this process with care and consideration to ensure that all parties involved are comfortable and consenting throughout the scene. Below are some key points to keep in mind when negotiating a BDSM scene, as well as some potential watch-outs for both the Top and the Bottom.
Remember, all parties are equal during negotiation, and your responsibilities to be open and honest are the same.
Responsibilities for both Tops and Bottoms
- Clearly communicate your boundaries and limits to the Bottom, and make sure you understand theirs as well.
- Be open to discussing and revising the scene as needed.
- Make sure you have consent for all activities before proceeding.
- Have a “safeword” and/or a “safe signal” plan in place in case the scene becomes too intense.
Red Flag Watch-Outs
- Not communicating their boundaries and limits clearly.
- Not respecting your boundaries and limits.
- Not checking in with the Bottom during the scene.
- Ignoring or dismissing the Bottom’s “safeword” and/or a “safe signal”.
- Ignoring or dismissing the Top’s “safeword” and/or a “safe signal”.
- Not having a “safeword” and/or a “safe signal” plan in place.
- Not feeling comfortable using your safe word.
It’s important to remember that BDSM is about consent, communication and respect. Negotiating a scene is the key to a positive and enjoyable experience for all parties involved.
All partners need to participate in open and honest communication about boundaries and limits, to make sure there is consent for all activities, and that a “safeword” and a “safe signal” is in place. Both the Top and the Bottom should be aware of potential watch-outs, and make sure that they are comfortable and consenting throughout the scene.
