Risk Mitigation in BDSM: Staying Safer While Exploring
At Voodoo Leatherworks, we believe that risk awareness is part of responsible kink. Our mission as a Colorado Springs BDSM club and community center is to give members the tools they need to explore safely, confidently, and with respect. While no activity can ever be 100% risk-free, being proactive about safety helps you protect yourself and your partners — and makes play more enjoyable for everyone.
BDSM can be fun, exciting, and deeply rewarding — but like anything involving new people, new experiences, or power exchange, it comes with risks. Risk mitigation doesn’t mean eliminating all danger, but it does mean making thoughtful choices so you can enjoy yourself with more confidence and peace of mind.
Below are some practical ways to lower risks when meeting someone new or playing for the first time.
Meeting Someone for the First Time
These days, many of us meet potential partners online. That’s not a bad thing, but it’s important to remember that someone’s online persona may not always match who they are in real life. Meeting someone you first met online isn’t “wrong”, but you need to consider how their anonymity could affect you. Below are some situations to consider along with some safety “best practices”:
SITUATION: If something went wrong...
- What suspect information would you share with the police? Do you know their name? Do you know where they live?
- What witnesses reports could you provide to the police?
- Who else might have had a similar experience?
Again, there’s nothing wrong with meeting people online, but it’s essential to be risk-aware and take precautions, just in case.
Know who you’re meeting
Learn their legal name.
I have personally, on a number of occasions, provided a copy of my drivers’ license prior to meeting someone for coffee.
Vet them through trusted sources.
Vetting is an art form. While gossip or trash talk about someone needs to be discouraged, it’s important to be able to speak with others about both good and bad experiences you’ve had with someone and to do so professionally. I don’t personally get along with everyone in the Community, and there are certainly people I simply don’t like… but that said, if asked about them as a vetting request, I would be genuine and professional in my approach.
Vet through multiple sources.
The internet is a great source of information if you know where to look.
- Colorado Bureau of Investigations (CBI)
- Sex Offender Registries
- Club Owners
- Event Hosts
- Current friends and partners
- Former partners
- Social Media journal entries
- Red Flag groups on Social Media
Find out what events they go to. And, what clubs or organizations they belong to.
Schedule a Safe Call
A safe call is someone you trust, who lives in the local area and who can and will call law enforcement if they don’t hear from you by a specific time. This person must know where you are meeting and if your location changes, must know about the change in plans.
Have a “duress word” that is only known to you and your Safe Call.
A duress word (like a safe word) is a pre-determined trigger word that alerts the person you’re talking to that you’re in danger without alerting the person putting you in danger. For example – “I’m having a great time, everything is groovy.” “Groovy”, in this case, might be the trigger word to let the person know to call the police. Make sure your Safe Call knows where to tell the police to go, and can tell them the name of the person you’re with.
Choose the right setting
- Meet in a public space you know well.
- Drive yourself. Don’t get into someone else’s car until you know them better. Allowing yourself to be a passenger in someone else’s vehicle puts you at a significant disadvantage. You’re not in control over where you are going, where you stop and may become disoriented and find yourself lost in a strange place.
Watch for frenzy:
Frenzy is that rush of excitement when everything feels new and you want to try it all right now. It’s real, and it can cloud your judgment. Take your time. There will always be other opportunities.
Trust your instincts:
Our “spidey sense” is real. If something feels off, it probably is. Listen to that little voice in your head.
Don’t play on the first meeting
Play is a vulnerable thing, even on an extremely casual level. It happens to us all sometimes, but listen to your instincts, do the best you can to mitigate your risks (Did you bring a condom? How about that safe call?) and pay attention to the Red Flags if and when they come up.
First Time Playing With a New Person
When you’re ready to play with someone new, the safest option is to start in a well-respected public play space or club. (Vet your play spaces in the same way you would vet a potential partner). Places like Voodoo Leatherworks have DM/PMs (Dungeon Monitors/Play Monitors) who provide an extra layer of support and accountability. They observe scenes in progress, help members find good locations to set up a scene, and serve as a deterrent to abusive behaviors. They don’t replace your responsibility for your own safety, but they can help if something goes wrong. Imagine playing with a stranger… in a private place and with no one to help you if you needed it. Playing in public, where someone can respond if you’re in trouble, is very helpful.
Observe before you play:
This new person you just met… have you seen them play before? Do you know how they check in? Are they as capable as they claim to be? How do they provide for the welfare of the person they’re playing with? How do they set up their scene and care for their toys? Do they provide aftercare?
Negotiate clearly
Before your first scene, talk specifics:
- What areas of the body are okay to touch, what kind of touch is okay, and what’s off-limits
- What toys you want to experience and which are a hard “no”
- Any health concerns (including STI status, allergies, chronic conditions, or medications)
- Safer sex practices and protection (including the use of latex or specific types of lube)
- Safe words and non-verbal signals (like dropping an object if you’re gagged)
Checklists can be helpful, but remember they’re just tools — not a replacement for open, honest conversation.
Set, Communicate and Hold Your Boundaries
Set Your Boundaries
- Know what your intentions are
- Know what you do and don’t want to experience
- Understand “Frenzy” and how that might affect your judgement
Communicate your boundaries
- Be direct, clear and truthful
- Be specific
- Don’t be afraid of scaring off a potential partner because you’re not ready (or don’t want) to experience something. There will be others. I promise.
Hold your boundaries
- If someone is making you uncomfortable, tell them to back off.
- Use your safe word and discuss non-verbal safe words (For example, if you’re gagged, how do you communicate? Drop a ball… lift your left foot, etc)
- Don’t dismiss violations. Speak up. Tell them what went wrong, why it was wrong and how it made you feel.
Final Thoughts
Exploring BDSM is about pleasure, connection, and growth for all parties involved, but those things can only thrive when you take safety seriously. Being risk-aware doesn’t mean being fearful; it means empowering yourself with knowledge, preparation, and boundaries.
Take your time, trust your instincts, and remember: there will always be more opportunities to play. Protecting yourself now ensures you’ll be around to enjoy them.
